A special of a lifetime... for the more common folk!

This week Naughty Officer StiX passed by the most obsured special I have ever seen. In Pretoria central me and one of my friends drove pass RT's Pub & Grub where we saw a special involving a haircut and a beer. How's that for odd...



The sign reads, "Haircut R60 + 1 free beer".

"5 Reasons why my BOSS is the best" by Karen Lee Unemp Lloyd

1. When you're with your boss, it's almost the same as being in a relationship. The one wears the pants while the other keeps on kissing ass and apologizing. With that in mind read the following while thinking about your boss: "Love, it means you never have to say your sorry".

2. My boss thinks your Christmas Bonus means you work during holidays, like crucifying family time to make employee of the month. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

3. My boss is so up to speed with technology, he thinks Satellite Television Stations are actually in outer space. Where else did the MTV Space Commercial come from, duh?

4. My boss puts a lot of trust in his company and thinks that the office is in control of his money transactions, even his old dirty gambling habit.

5. My Boss thought a person who was down to earth was actually a falling person.

More will be posted often... as soon as he stops hovering over my shoulder.

Happy Pranking!!!

"How to hang up the phone on your boss without getting fired"

At my office I'm stunned daily by the cute and idiotic subjects my boss flings at me. Being a very humoristic fellow myself, I put my jokes, insults and profanity to the test on a frequent basis to see how far I am able to push my employer before he cracks.

With this in mind, I found a couple of profound and astounding tips on how to mock him/her and still walk away in one piece, thanks to a person found I met online with highly advanced social dynamic expertise. I'm only going to display one for now.

CAUTION: Only use if you are fortunate to have boss that has an IQ of a sports shoe...side effects may include slapping, screaming, cursing and possible retrenchment(yes, it's a nice word for fired).

Now onto the technique...

First of all, this office naughty prank works only when communicating with your boss on the phone with an energetic and playful voice tone. Establish a connection with your boss over the phone by chatting about his/her favourite sport activity or TV show, anything that he/she loves talking about.

If a connection has been indicated by laughter and "me too" replies, ask your extremely excited and happy boss if he/she would like to hear a joke. After confirmation, proceed with the following joke...


"What hangs down and has tiny little balls?"
"Don't know" the boss replies.
"A bat"
"What has BIG BALLS and HANGS UP?"
Once again your boss confusingly answer "Don't know".

Then quickly hang up the phone..............


The smart boss will get it, the retarded ones will be furious. Leap on the boss that doesn't get the joke and simply accuse him/her for not having a sense of humor in a playful way.

For me it's always a win/win situation because of the fact that the office boss always thinks he is the most intelligent office socialite and always plays along afterwards to protect his/her name amongst all other employees.

So those who posses the BIG BALLS to HANG UP and have fun, try it out and let me know how it went...

Pranks for removing the "Office Bully"

1. While he/she is away from his desk, quickly sneak up and open as many pornography sites as you can for any one who passes to notice his wild intentions... including the boss. To make an extra special effort on his/her ego, search for some really whack stuff such as midnight midgets and the misbehaving dominatrix.
   
2. Call up a pharmacy to deliver a special package to your unexpected office foe and order a variety package of STD's(Sexually Transmitted Disease) creams and oils and have delivered straight to his cubicle. Also works well to use a singing messenger to break out in song to describe his purchase.
3. If the villain has a standard office chair, then feel free to now and then loosen the nuts on the wheels to ensure a plunder of laughter. Great when viewed by an audience.
4. Leave numerous false notes on his/her desk explaining that the boss would like to see the employee for a promotion. Guess what to his surprise, no promotion and only becomes the office fool. Disappointment on his face afterwards would be sweet.
5. How about doing a nice thing for your fellow wedgie master!?! At the next office party, if in a public environment such as an restaurant, spread the word that it is the pricks birthday and pop the waiters a fair tip to sing for him/her whilst pronouncing the name after some disease or a goofy cartoon character. Yes "it's his party and he can cry if he wants to"...
   

.....after you perfectly mastered all these pranks with precision and persistence, you will be now known as the new "Office Bully". Worth it.....

Taking your newspaper job to seriously!?!

Office Naughty Starter Pack

1. Super glue all the office staff coffe mugs, rulers, stationary etc... to their desks. Also works well with coins next to their chairs.
   
2. Hide all necessary office equipment before leaving work and see how grown-up still enjoy hide-and-seek the next day.
3. Remove staples from the stapler before and after work to get them continuously refilling them.
   
4. Find a popular newspaper with a section on "personals", then place an ad for your co-worker/boss "looking for a good time, toys are welcome, std's optional" or " I give you five dollar, you love me long time".
   
5. Operation Ring Ring: Tape down the phone receiver button on your favourite colleagues phone to keep it ringing. If you're lucky, you might see your boss go off on him for not answering the phone, great success.
   
6. Make sure all the office desktop speakers are on full blast, then sit back and watch as they unexpectedly try to listen quietly to music.
7. You can always revert back to old school pranks such as the classics "kick me" posteds.
8. Make a "butt" photocopy with your colleagues name on it, then hide it in his printpaper stack.
   

The 6 crucial stages of a project at your office

The 6 stages of any project at the office:

1 Enthusiasm

2 Disillusionment

3 Panic

4 Search for the guilty

5 Punishment of the innocent

6 Reward of the non-participants

...........sounds familiar!?!